Story cont.

He startles awake to my amazement, and reaches up and puts the truck in park. I sigh and take a deep breath, not noticing that I had been holding it. I glance and see my sister stop her car as well, getting out to meet up with me. I walk around the back of the moving truck and together we go and talk to my dad.

We open the door and he looks at us, his eyes slightly blank. “Dad! What happened? You fell asleep behind the wheel!” my sister cries. We stare at him expectantly while he looks around, as if lost.

“Huh?” is his simple reply, the blank look in his eyes still there. My sister and I look at each other, worried.

“You were asleep behind the wheel! Did you pass out? You almost went off the road!” my sister explains to him emphatically, while I stand by, fear freezing my heart.

“Wha’?” He is still confused, and then a crazy grin comes across the face. “Sleep?” he asks in a child-like voice, his hands and arms beginning to shake as he falls over towards the passenger side of the car.

“Dad!” we cry out together, and cram together to see what is wrong. Soon we see his shoulders quivering and we can tell he is laughing--at us. “Dad, that’s not funny!” my sister yells at him, grabbing his arm and trying to pull him out. “Is your blood sugar low?” she asks, sure of the reason behind this problem. He stares at her, his mind far away. “Get out and get in my car,” she dictates to him, pulling him upright and somehow managing to maneuver him out of the truck’s cab.

I look at her, knowing fear is plainly seen on my face. She turns to me as somehow my dad manages to get to the passenger side of my sister’s car. “Let’s get to the next exit and get off. See if you can get him to check his blood sugar,” she says to me, determination in her voice as she hands me his glucometer. Big sisters are amazing. I nod and turn back to her tiny little red car, my dad squished into the front seat.

I take a deep breath and get in, scared. I buckle up and prepare to get on the barren highway while my sister drives the large yellow moving truck for the very first time. I look at my dad and he is drooping in the chair, eyes open but mind closed. I grab his black case holding his glucometer, his so called “black thing” as we named it years ago.

“Dad, I need you to check your blood sugar,” I explain while I watch the road in front of me, nervous when I see the next exit isn’t for a few miles. He lifts his head and just kind of looks at me, as if he doesn’t even know who I am. “Please dad,” I beg.

“Why? What’s going on? I don't even know what is going on. No," he rambles, his voice not what I know and his eyes still in some far away place.

"Come on, dad, just take your blood sugar for me," I plead with him some more, not sure what is going to happen. Again he resists me, so I beg some more. "Come on, dad, just give me your finger," I say as I open up his black thing, having checked his blood sugar for years and thankfully knowing how to do it.

"I don't know what's happening..." he repeats again and again, and I fight the tears waiting in my eyes. I think and think, not sure how to get him to do this for me.

"Well, will you take some glucose tabs at least?" I pull out the jar of sugar tablets, knowing they will get his blood sugar up better than anything. I open it while fighting with the wheel and pour two into my waiting hand, holding them out to him.

He is fuming with anger by now, not sure why I am putting him through so much. He truly isn't in the car with me, even though his physical shell is there. "Why? No. I don't know what's going on. Leave me alone. No. Why?" he sounds confused and angry, and I'm glad to see the exit is in two miles. I bother him some more, pleading. He refuses, getting louder as he gets angrier. "Fine! I'll take them. Give me. Just to make you happy," he finally yells, almost like a child giving into taking gross tasting cold medicine.

I sigh and give him the glucose tabs, still not sure how to get him to check his blood sugar for me. "Dad, mom wants you to check your blood sugar, will you check it for her?" I coax around the subject, trying to keep the fear from my voice, thinking maybe he would do it for my mom--the love of his life.

"I took the tabs, aren't you happy yet?!" he rebukes, his eyes and voice still alien to me.

I give up and grab my phone, doing the only thing I can think of; I call my mom, hoping she can convince him to check her blood sugar. I dial her speed dial and count the rings, not sure why my early waking mom isn't answering. Thirty seconds later and I hear her voicemail, terror seizing me. I try again, but the same thing. I wrack my brain and hit another speed dial, calling his sister who he is close to. Riinng riinng riinng. "Hi, I don't have my phone on me right now..."

I hang up, wondering why all my early bird family aren't answering. I open up my contacts with one eye on the road, hitting the "G" key on my tiny keyboard. I call my grandma, my last chance who could get him to check his blood sugar. All the while I am pleading with him as he stares around and refuses. Voice mail. Again.

Story.

I am jolted out of some semblance of sleep by my sister telling me to wake up. I’m cramped against the passenger door in her compact Chevy, the smell of litter wafting around me from the cage of kittens in the backseat. Her car is stuffed to the brim, and as I blink and stretch as much as I can, I see the bright yellow moving truck in front of us. We’re driving across the country after flying to Alabama just to move her home after a failed experiment. It is about eleven hours in to our trip, and last I knew we were in Tennessee.

“Hey, I think dad is really tired ‘cause he has been driving kind of weird. I need you to wake up so he can have a chance to sleep,” my sister says to me, her eyebrows creased with worry as she focuses on the yellow truck.

“Mkaay,” I mumble and blink away the sleep, cracking my neck and sitting up straight. I readjust my glasses and look around us. It’s daylight now, although just barely, and everything is pretty flat around the highway. “Where are we now?” I ask, glancing at the clock to see it somewhere around Seven AM.

“Indiana,” is her curt reply, and I am slightly boggled. At three we had stopped at a rest stop to get some sleep, all three of us at once, but that was a whole state ago. He must have woken her up early to get started again. Dad never did like to drive alone, but I was asleep in my sister‘s car when they started, so he had no choice this morning. “I’m gonna pull in front of him and get off at this next exit so he follows us, so get ready to take a turn driving,” she explains to me.

“Mhmm,” I reply, still coming out of the time warp of sleeping while moving. My sister pulls over into the middle lane and guns it, her little red car pulling steadily in front of dad and his moving van. He looks focused as we pass, and soon my sister and I are a good ways in front of him. A quarter mile to the exit and she puts on her blinker, clearly telling him that we are going to get off.

Soon we are careening up the exit, and my eyes go to the rearview mirror to make sure he saw us. He flies past the exit, and my heart catches as I follow with my eyes to see him slumped to the side behind the wheel.
“He passed out!” I think I scream, my eyes glued to the yellow truck as it slowly goes onto the shoulder and slows down considerably. My heart is thumping.

“Shit!” my sister curses, taking her foot off the brake while I watch the truck. There is a divided highway at the top of the exit, but we ignore it and get on the exit ramp, never slowing down. I know that the knowledge of my dad’s type I diabetes is on both our minds, because it’s the only logical explanation for him passing out…a blood sugar of extreme lows.

The truck is ambling along now, probably coasting without his foot on the gas. We reach behind him, slowing to his speed. “Let me out! I’ll go wake him up!” I say, making sure my shoes are on as my adrenaline kicks me completely awake. My sister nods and comes to the tiniest stop, at which I wrench open the door. I slam it and am running along the highway, somewhere in the middle of Indiana, at seven on a Sunday morning, the night after Halloween. It’s a new experience for me.

Thankfully the truck is slow enough that I am able to run faster than it, amazing since I am out of shape and a bad runner to boot. I glance up into the passenger window of the truck, it’s shape looming at least ten feet above my head. My dad is definitely passed out, his seatbelt holding him up. I raise my hand and, summoning all my strength, knock on the glass pane of the window I can barely reach.

Secret 1

I secretly think that Draenei females are cute. I wish they were horde.

Fourth

So I am sitting here, once again battling with myself over going to my art class. I really enjoy the people in it, they are fun and I have some good friends there, but I am failing and I hate dealing with the teacher... I paid for it! Right? So why do I let it make me so miserable? I'm terrified of confrontation. I can't do the amount of work required by me. I want to drop the class so so so badly. But then so many people would get mad at me... But I can't afford it! I can't buy more art supplies, I can't buy fruit to draw! Hell, I will be lucky if I can buy some more Happy Pills, and we all know how badly I need that.

I don't know why I thought an art class would be cake for me. True, I have kinda sorta learned a few things, but I'm so unhappy about it. Art is a personal thing--I have never been able to create art on demand. This is stressing me out so bad I have acne, damnit. I haven't had zits since high school! But if I drop this art class, as I so desperately want to do, many many people will be mad at me. I could just drop it and go somewhere for three hours every Thursday for the next two weeks, but I want to be truthful. I don't like to lie. But I don't like people being mad at me either. I wish my mom's phone wasn't dead so I could talk to her about it. Rob is being no help. I have the window open, Drop/Withdraw chosen, and all I have to do is click Process. But I fear the repercussions sooo much. But I don't think it is possible for me to pull and F up in two weeks, and I am so miserable there I don't want to go...and yes, I am making excuses. I am a failure, this I know. There has not been a single semester of school that I didn't drop a class, or fail a class, or both.

I wish I had more will, more gumption.

I haven't done art since high school. Sure, a thing here or there, but nothing amazing or to the same degree as I used to. I went to my high school's art show today to support some old friends, and it made me think about my lack of artsy ness. I call myself an artkid, but when was the last time I proved it? I am failing my art class. Go artkid, go! I want to paint and draw and Photograph and do all these things I used to do, but yet again, I don't do it. I sit around this computer, going from page to page, logging on wow and walking around. Since it seems I am skipping my art class, I could pull out my binder and do some art that I so miss doing, but wouldn't that just hypocrite myself up? I'm such a hypocrite. I wish that I was better. I'm sick of being moderately good at so many things. I would give up so much to be AMAZING at just one.

I strive for nothing, and it ruins me.

Third

Sittin' downstairs watching American Idol with my dad...well, as much as anyone can do anything with my dad while he is playing wow. He gets so into it, sigh... I should be doing some of my stupid art homework, but i just can't bring myself to work on it because it is sooo messy and I just don't feel like getting messy right now. But I should do it. Maybe I will do it in the morning. It's ridiculous... I'm sposed to be drawing fruit, but damnit I don't have any fruit! And I don't have the money to buy more art supplies, let alone fruit to fuckin draw. So I'm gonna draw my applesauce jar, my fruity Sobe Life Water, and maybe my container of cut up strawberries if they are still good... I do have clementines, I guess, but they are nasty! From easter and just...ugh.

My dog and my cat are cuddling on the couch. It's so entertaining sometimes, since my cat is bigger than my dog. They're both just sleeping their lives away. I wish I could do that, but I've been there before and it leads to some pretty big problems. Bigger than I am dealing with now, even. Thankfully I am only failing one class right now, instead of the many it would be if this were, say, last spring. Spring is such a rejuvenating time, but for some reason instead of making it easier for me to do things, it makes it harder. Maybe I am just so excited for summer to get here.

I finally get to see my boyfriend again, and in case I haven't mentioned yet, I'm hella lonely. I'm counting down the days and I am ready to pack my bags practically. I need to get some money so I can buy some things I need, but the weather has been crap and I have been sick and my dad has been too busy to clean out Po and get him in sellable condition. Maybe I should find a Plato's closet and take some clothes there? God knows my tax returns aren't giving me anything. And I want to have money this year. I wanna buy stuff for my boy! And I soo want to be able to get a new tattoo. I'm itching for it, hehe.

I'm going to go shower, or read, or play wow, or something...

Second

So here I am, sitting on my loveseat with my legs up on my green chest, and my boyfriend logs on skype. I'm all happy because his power went out on us yesterday so we didn't get to talk long. I miss him crazy bad, it's ridiculous sometimes. Because not only is he my boyfriend, but he is also my best friend, and my life is so lonely and hard without him. All I have left to fall back on are my family and my kind-of friends--the people I talk to and hang out with once in a blue moon....but none of them come close to being, well, close to me. My boy put on the sweatshirt of mine I sent him, and that makes me happier than it should, but I am glad to know he thinks about me.

We're gonna go play wow. I need to get up off my fat ass soon and do stuff around the house, but damnit I miss him to much to go do anything right now.

First

Well, here is my blog, as promised to a friend in my class. Not sure what I am going to do with it yet. We'll see. =]