So I finally got what I want, and I'm not all that sure I want it right now.
I'm finally here with him, yet it all feels like a dream, not even sure if this is happening to me.
How did I get wrapped up in this? I love him so much, yet is he all there is for me in life? There are more things I want, yet I don't deserve them. Hell, I don't deserve him. I love him, but is there another? Am I even the person I'm gonna be yet? How can I be so sure when I'm still changing?
Part of me sees the way I act here and hates it, yet it comes so naturally that I don't know how to stop it. I settle back and just let things go, falling into my hole.
I said that I was going to change. I said that I was going to make a difference. But here I am... keeping a big bad secret from everyone, not sure how to accept it myself. Why does it seem that when everyone else gets their shit together, mine falls apart?
And here I am. All alone. I have to learn how to deal.
But I'm scared. I just don't want to grow up.
I never have.
Let's go live in neverneverland, where I can be the kid I wanna be forever, with my stuffed animals and my video games and my books. To hell with the rest.
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